Warning: potentially controversial article ahead; proceed with caution!
I've described myself in that hybrid theological combination since I was in 6th grade. People would laugh and try to convince me that wasn't actually possible, and I would always tell them it really was, and who were they to tell me what religion I could or couldn't possibly believe anyway? Then today, in Denver, I was perusing The Tattered Cover bookstore and I found this book: Confessions of a Buddhist Atheist by Stephen Batchelor. So I say to those people now: HA.
Anyway, I had this idea for an article when I got an email from one of my sophomore year teachers asking how I was holding up after recent events.
I admitted that as a Buddhist Atheist, death can sometimes be a much more difficult concept to deal with because I DON'T believe in an afterlife. As much as I would like to think that when we die, our soul lives on in a higher place and we go on, I simply don't. The way I see it, when we die, we're gone, and that's it. The end; story over.
He was curious about this of course, as many often are. So he asked about my opinions on life and death: do I think we have a purpose or meaning here on earth during our lives? Or is it all just noise?
I had a lot of time to think about the subject as I explored Denver today. We rented bikes and pedaled to the botanical gardens. Nothing gives you more tranquility than walking around and seeing, feeling, touching flora. It was an ideal place to question myself on the matter.
Here's what I came up with:
I think that in my case, in many ways, life has MORE meaning then. When your time is up, it's game over. No do-overs or afterlife in general, so we might as well live the best life we can while we're still living. That's not to say I don't believe in a purpose or moral code for following here on earth. We call that dharma. I do good not for a higher being, but for myself and everyone I know.
The closest I come to worship is mother earth. I think our duty is to do something that gives back, as opposed to taking and taking from precious energy and resources. I feel fortunate that we've been able to evolve on a planet so rare and able to sustain life, and though sometimes bad things happen (like a tornado taking half my house), it's a good life.
In the gardens today, there was a small girl throwing an absolute fit asking her mother if she could pick a flower- an iris I think it was- and her mother would have none of it. It made me think back to a previous time when I was that little girl, and my own mother said to me: "If everyone in the entire world came in here and picked a flower, there wouldn't be any left." At age 4, this was not a satisfactory answer. It was a preposterous explanation, it's impossible for EVERYONE in the world to come in and pick a flower. Duh, Mom.
I came to realize I live by those words now. If everyone in the world left all their water running all day, there would be no water left. If everyone in the world was a murderer, there'd be only one person left. So I think that in order to retain a sense of morality, religion isn't absolutely essential, only common sense.
I feel a lot of duty also because I don't feel like a god can help by my praying or wishing. If I want something done, I do it. I fix my own problems instead of asking a god I don't believe in to do so for me. Although I could pray for my house to be rebuilt soon, chances are that's not going to help anything.
I see the appeal in religion, in regards to an all loving power, but I find so many flaws: science, corruption, hypocrisy, and the like. (I'm starting to sound like Siddhartha Gautama).
So that's my opinion on the matter. I understand completely if you disagree, but I implore you to please respect my religion as I do yours. Thanks.
I discovered your blog recently and I can't put into words how much I love it. Your style, your thoughts, everything is so distinct! I can identify so much with this post; the beautiful way you think about life is so similar to my own way of thinking. But the way you write is beauty in itself. I can't even begin to explain how much I love it!
ReplyDeleteP.S. I'm a recently graduated junior at Enloe, not some creepy internet troll or something, haha :D
Well, you know I respect your religion from our various conversations at lunch :)
ReplyDeleteJust some thoughts: I get that you're a "Buddhist atheist," but I think the Buddha himself did believe in heaven. After several cycles of reincarnation, according to him, you would attain nirvana after coming to peace spiritually. I usually think of nirvana more as heaven (nirvana exists in Hinduism as well). This past week, I've been thinking about life and death a lot and wonder if heaven can really be all it is said to be. I've always thought that life on earth is far better than a life in heaven because of the hope and possibilities.
I want to think that heaven is something to strive for, but I know that I'm not nearly perfect enough this time around to make it (I expect to go through a couple more lives on the way there). When reading this, I thought, "What if this is really the end? What if, when I die, I will have nowhere else to go to?"
I'm someone who prays a lot, especially when I'm upset, because it's the only way I can find peace.
So when I try to think about the afterlife, I pray some more. I'm always disappointed, though, because I never get an answer.
-Shobana :)
There is a centered or calm place that meditation can take us to, a sense of perhaps a little distance from our own hysteria, and I feel like some of that comes through this writing. That is a very wonderful thing.
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