Pillsbury Dough Boy Loses it After Kid Pokes His Belly for the “Last F@$&ing Time”

The beloved brand icon and mascot of the Pillsbury baked goods company finally reached the inevitable celebrity dark moment. Doughboy, 46, was emerging from his upend Manhattan penthouse on his way to his dispensary of choice for some over-the-counter hangover relieving medication. Doughboy had spent the previous evening at the Premiere Opening of a new line of Pillsbury products, and later joined friends Tony the Tiger and Quaker Oats Man, sources report. Still feeling the effects of the evening’s celebratory alcohol binge, Doughboy was not in the mood for tummy poking.

Unbeknownst to tourist James Hill, 4-and-3-quarters, who proceeded to walk up to the lovable pastry symbol and swiftly finger tap the hung over icon. Expecting to hear the jolly “hoo hoo!” laugh, Hill and his mother were shocked at the reaction. Pillsbury Doughboy proceeded to holler at the small child about, “how would he f@$&ing like it if every f@$&ing person in the whole f@$&ing world wanted to f@$&ing poke his f@$&ing belly every f@$&ing day?” followed by a repeated jabbing of the small child’s own stomach.

Passerby stared in shock at the scene of such an innocent character repeatedly abusing a young boy and screaming “how does that feel, huh kid?!” Hill’s mother, while snagging some discounted Pillsbury cinnamon rolls, declined to speak with reporters about whether or not she was choosing to press charges.