Dear you,
Which of course means me. Except, I’m sixteen, and you (me) are four. Yes I understand this is a very complex situation.
So far your life might feel like a day at the beach. But at some point you’re going to be getting to the part where you’ll be stepping into rougher water to ride the waves. When you hit the water just right, it will be spectacular. But sometimes one knocks you down too.
Advice number one: Even when you don’t have control over a particular situation, you do have control over how you react to it. Some things will feel like the end of the world, especially after one of Mr. Felder’s tests. You need to realize although it feels like your life is ending, it’s really just the beginning. You have so much to look forward to, and in the grand scheme of your life and the world, this is of such a small magnitude that 81 on a test will be nothing. When Pop sends you a video in the future showing the universe from increasingly ten to the something powers and it grows ever larger, imagine how your 81 would look from 10 to the fourth power. This is nothing. You have the ability to react calmly instead of balling up on the floor and crying. I think my best advice in this sort of a situation would be what will become your favorite poem (written by Elizabeth Bishop). The poem is “One Art” and the main theme is that the art of losing isn’t hard to master. Although throughout the poem it seems as if she is handling all of the things that she’s losing quite well, by the last portion she’s forcing herself to write that she’s okay. Don’t bottle everything up, but trust me, you and I, we need to work on the art of losing. Everyone feels this way sometimes, we just need to learn how to control ourselves and realize how insignificant some problems are in the grand scheme of the universe.
Advice number two: Cut yourself some slack girl and don’t expect absolute curly haired perfection from yourself all the time. Some things won’t come supernaturally to you. Some do, like art (which by the way you should definitely take throughout your schooling years). But some don’t, like mathematics of any sort. Despite my obvious aversion to math in general, I hope that you approach it with a brighter hope and don’t come to dread anything with numbers and variables. Be open to new situations and learn how to overcome the things you don’t particularly like. In third grade, numbers will seriously get under your skin. But lo and behold, you will meet the savior of your life, the marvelous tutor Maria. You think differently than others, and that’s okay. In third grade you will refuse to memorize your multiplication table for the speed tests simply because you see no point in it. We, as the stubborn people we are, will insist on counting out on our hands to get to the same conclusion as everyone else. Maria will teach you that learning your own way is fine! Although I know we hate the idea of depending on others for help, sometimes we need that extra hand. No one expects you to get things on your own the very first time. Sometimes you’ll need a Maria to get you through the hard things. People will respect you simply for trying and laughing through it.
Advice number three: Some people are turds. Since you are not a turd, don’t get too caught up in what a turd does or says. Stay above the drama. In middle school you WILL get caught up in it. At some point if things go the way they did for me, your friends will abandon you for a year, and it will be a REALLY hard time. That doesn’t make you a bad person. Pick better friends for crying out loud! No one’s worth your time if they can’t accept you the way you are. When you start kindergarten next year, there’s going to be this shy, somewhat aggressive girl in your class. Her name is Jessie. GO TALK TO HER. I BEG YOU. Trust me, you have A LOT in common. Even better? Eleven years later you two will still be best friends. She will help you through your worst days with the other turds that come in and out of your life, talk you from the ledge in the darkest of moments, and be that one person who you can tell absolutely anything to. Picking the best friends you can is one of the most important things you can do. Distance yourself from ones that are all about popularity, brand names, and gossip. That is not you. You are awkward, creative, and somewhat intelligent. Be yourself always. If you feel like dying your hair red just for the heck of it, go ahead!
Advice number four: Be comfortable in your own skin! Do not quit dance when you start high school because you didn’t think you were good enough. It doesn’t matter as long as you’re having fun! Maybe you had a more difficult time learning some of the steps and maybe you aren’t exactly the most graceful person on earth, but nothing in life is worth doing if you don’t love it. Furthermore, in a few years your friend Elle’s mom (I know you don’t know who she is now but you will next year in kindergarten) will take you to an audition for a part in a commercial. I know at this age you were so enthusiastic to put on a show for everyone and dress up in all your favorite little costumes to perform and to be admired. At the interview they will ask you what you like to do. When you answer dance (which I already advised you to stay with), they will ask you to show them a few moves. Even if you don’t feel confident enough, do it! What’s the worst they can say? No? So what. Don’t do what I did and say you aren’t comfortable showing them. In fourth grade you’ll get your hand slammed in the door while the class is dissecting owl pellets. It will hurt and you will have to go and get x-rays to make sure you didn’t break it. Don’t worry. You didn’t. But the whole time you waited for those hours in the waiting room, despite your swollen and throbbing hand all you could think of was how badly you wanted to get back to school because it was the day of the talent show and you wanted to blow The Star Spangled Banner through the roof. Even when the doctors bandage your hands because you bruise your bones you’ll be urging them to hurry so you can make it in time. You do, and you knock that anthem out of the ballpark. Of course some people are turds. For some it’s a temporary condition, and for others it’s chronic. Despite the standing ovation and everyone telling you the stellar job you did singing your heart out while holding your bright pink cast, there will be that one person who wants to bring you down and says you can’t sing. This will be your downfall. You will never sing in public again, and that’s so sad. You love to sing so much. You will be in chorus, you will compete, and you will be awesome. But that one person’s comment meant to bring you down will tarnish your confidence so severely you will never have the will to sing your heart out again. And that’s just sad. Stay with art, write your heart out, and dance like you don’t care if anyone’s watching, sing like no one can hear you. Do these things for you. If these things make you happy, it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. You are great the way you are, and being yourself is the best thing you can do.
Advice number five: This one actually comes from Russian literature. From The Brothers Karamazov one character is giving a speech at a eulogy (upbeat I know), and he says: “There is nothing higher and stronger and valuable for life in the future than some good memory, especially a memory of childhood, of home. People talk to you a great deal about your education, but some good sacred memory, preserved from childhood, is perhaps the best education.” Make your memories the best education you will ever receive. When you spent the day with your Aunt Jenn in an arboretum on what you thought was the most boring day ever, you have no idea how wrong you are. Sure it was a lot of walking and staring at flowers you didn’t care about, but those memories of rolling down the hills, walking through the cactus greenhouse, and being with someone you love are so much more worthwhile than spending the day in the house playing video games. OH by the way, you don’t know this yet, but you’re allergic to grass, so rolling down that hill WILL be fun… but just make sure you have some Neosporin or something afterwards. All of those old canoe and hiking trips you were dragged along on become some of the greatest memories in your life. Don’t be so quick to judge what you know nothing of. Even though spending all day paddling on a river may seem like a great waste of time to you now, just look at the water, the peace, the lack of humanity, the silence of all but the birds, and cherish the moment so that in your times lacking peace and silence and having too much humanity will be bearable. Sometimes it’s too easy to forget what a beautiful place the world is, and then when you do these things, you wonder how you could have ever forgotten. Most importantly are the memories of home. Keep your friends close, but your family closer. Unfortunately for them, they have no choice but to be stuck with you. Take advantage of this fact. Although at the age of four it seems as if you have all the time in the world with them and you’ll always be with Mom and Dad, unfortunately we grow up. Sooner or later it won’t be “the cool thing” to stay home with your parents even if that’s what you’d rather do. Keep in mind though, that time goes fast. You’re four today, sixteen the next, and before you know it you have a mere two years left with the ones who raised you from before you could even roll over. Nothing lasts forever, so don’t sweat the not so good little things and appreciate the good little things even more.
I wish I could protect us from the rough rides, I wish life was only perfect waves that gently bring us to shore, but that’s not completely realistic. The best I can do for us is to make you a tough little wetsuit of advice to wear.
Yourself.
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