The League of Affirmative Multigrain Bread (LAMB) has officially issued a discrimination charge against kindergartners around the world. Spokescrust Crisp Ciabatta announced the intent for legal action on the league’s national website earlier this month.
Crust has long since been a taboo of the food realm amongst toddlers. The statement released brings to light the blatant and unjust discrimination against the stiff outer layer of breads. “Time after time our kind is viciously carved off and disposed of like garbage by mothers of young children. This time has come to an end.” Ciabatta commends such progressive actions that have been taken to further the integration of minorities, and believes the continued separation practices in regards to lunchtime sandwiches to be outdated.
The brief published by the group concluded that affirmative action would be taken in regards to any and all forms of crust of future generations.
Ciabatta spoke recently at a Wonderbread Convention: “At one time, such bigotry was simply a preference, but now it is encouraged. Items line shelves boasting that they are already crust free, along with sandwich slicers that cut adorably shaped slices which are conveniently without rind!”
Kindergartners are obviously enraged about the impending suit, and have quickly risen up in rebellion. Refusing to obey nap times, groups gathered at Sunnyside Up Elementary and instead drew pro-segregation propaganda on colorful construction paper by means of broken crayons.
This makes me ridiculously happy.
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