People Excited About New Thing

A line expectantly waiting for a new thing to be released earlier this day stood wrapped around up to five blocks outside of stores around the country. This thing, which the creator assures is, “so much better than the old thing. It’s faster, it’s shinier, it’s newer,” drew a crowd of loyal thing fans.

Chicago resident Keira Blanchett had apparently camped out the night before to secure a spot in the front of the line for the store’s opening. Keira, who hurriedly burst into the store at opening time to snag the new thing, was eager to speak with reporters about her purchase. “I’ve been waiting forever for this to come out; I have the old version, but as soon as I heard about the new release, I just had to get it.” Flashing the thing for cameras, she explained that the new version makes the old look ancient. “Now that I have this one, I just can’t imagine how I made it with the old kind!” She laughs.

Although the new thing does have some glitches to work out which the old one had as well, crowds rushed out to get the new thing before it was sold out.

Says creator of the thing, “We’re really pleased with this piece. We think it will be a long-lasting hit amongst our clientele.”

Customers not only clamored for the shiny new thing, but also accessories and cases to keep it in.

Although pleased with the upgrade, later this afternoon when the company let slip that the next thing would soon be replacing the version released earlier that morning, buyers soon posted the older new version onto eBay and other popular consumer sites. Says Blanchett, “I thought this was the greatest thing ever, but you can bet that I’ll be out there for the release of the next thing. I can only imagine how much greater it will be than this version!”